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Friday, March 28, 2008
Douchebaggary on High, or What Happened at Vampire Weekend So there I was, at the hotly anticipated Vampire Weekend show tonight, wondering why I was throwing elbows to keep ass-monkeys at bay.
Let me start from the beginning. Usually, I head into a show with an idea of the kind of crowd I'd be expecting. The people at a Be Your Own Pet gig will generally give off a different vibe than, say, people at a Sarah Slean show. While I'd be prepared for a goodly amount of ruckus at the former, anything more than enthused sing-alongs and loud hooting and hollering at the latter would take me completely by surprise. For Vampire Weekend, lets just say I was expecting more Slean and less BYOP.
Tonight, four guys from Columbia University descended upon Richard's on Richards, playing a unique brand of African-inspired rock and calling themselves Vampire Weekend. They comprise one of the most-blogged-about bands of this past year, continuing on the trail blazed by such bands as Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (remember those guys?). In fact, they've gotten so big, they've even hit Studio 8H for some SNL action a few week back. If you're reading this, chances are good that you know who they are.
This band, featuring a sweater-clad lead-singer and three other equally polite-looking guys, appears about as wild as mayonnaise and white bread. Their music, while upbeat, does not inspire one to throw caution to the wind and dance as if one were at an LCD Soundsystem show. And even their live show, while musically competent and interesting, does not bring to the table anything more than what was on their records. In other words, I'd be hard-pressed to imagine the crowd reacting to these guys any differently than they would to any other indie band du jour.
But good god was I wrong. Oh so wrong.
You know that at some shows, you expect a fight to keep your spot up front. If you're at the Commodore and there's a fence, expect a fight. If you see massive jock-types ready to pounce before the bands start, expect a fight. If it's a band that gets airplay on local "rock" radio, expect a fight. But Vampire Weekend? Never did I expect to bust a move and throw down some Ho-fu to beat off drunken dude-bros who looked like they were at a casting for serial date-rapists.
The night started off nice enough, with a newly dual-ified YACHT exercising and singing to canned beats on and off stage. The new girl Jona Bechtolt had in tow had on these constricting high-waist shorts, elf-boots, and Sally Jessy Raphael glasses, looking like she just step out of a fierce hipster modeling photo shoot. Jona, sans nautical sweater, did his usual song and dance, working the crowd with his sheer enthusiasm. Their half-hour set was short and sweet.
Vampire Weekend then took the stage. The first few songs were fine, with the usual amount of swaying and dancing from a rather eclectic looking crowd for a show like this. What I mean is that it's not just the scarf-and-tight-jeans wearing, horizontal-strips-rocking hipster types. It's a lot of people who look a lot different, like a freeze frame at a local Starbucks or something. For the first bit, people were enjoying themselves but respecting each others' spaces too, just like what you'd expect from a night of Pitchfork-approved music at Richards.
But then, as they got into the more up-tempo songs like "A-Punk", a small crowd of what I can only describe as ginormous douchebags pushed their way to the front of the stage. They shoved aside the poor people who were in their path, elbowing, kneeing, and pushing their way up and pinning my friends and I to the front of the stage. They even formed a mini mosh pit, a small circle in which even smaller dicks pushed each other around like they were at a Kid Rock show. They stayed until the band's short set was over, effectively ruining it for my friends and me for the rest of the night. I mean, it's hard to enjoy yourself when you're under constant assault from behind from sweaty, aggressive, ape-like wankers. I only took a fraction of what came at my friends, but even I was pissed as fuck.
Now, these are the same type of assholes you'd find drunk and "rocking out" at, say, an Arctic Monkeys show. No offense to the Arctic Monkeys, but their music tends to bring out that type of "devil-horns" throwing frat boys who like to "party hard" and "mosh" because they're "hardcore." But at a Vampire Weekend show? Really, guys? This ain't Nickelback. This ain't even Les Savy Fav. Why the fuck would you want to do that at VAMPIRE FUCKING WEEKEND? Shouldn't you be at home drinking shitty beer, smoking shitty weed, and playing Madden instead? Fucking fucknuts.
And if things weren't bad enough, my friends reported a bad case of BO on these shitheads. Imaging being constantly bombarded physically, and then be assaulted olfactorally by putrid sweat because some assholes forgot their deodorant. Talk about a double whammy.
Suffice it to say, it was not a night of all thumbs up for me. The band was tight, but the douchebags made full enjoyment difficult. It's like someone took a steaming dump on your plate of food: even if you took away all the feces, someone still shat on your food.
Fuck you douchebags. I hope you all get syphilis from your next drunken rendezvous.
End of rant.
NP: (nothing)
posted by Hanson |
12:30 AM
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